By Danniel Star

Emotional Intelligence (EI) has been a buzz word in business and working circles since Daniel Goleman’s book of the same title was published in 1996. In his second book (“Working with Emotional Intelligence”), he has very clearly presented the case for the importance of EI at work to achieve effectiveness and success. Also, EI is becoming an umbrella term under which soft skills are clearly categorized and validates the study and implementation of training in the attitudinal domain. (The other two domains of training are skills and knowledge.)

With EI, the human experience can be divided into two broad areas:

• Intrapersonal Skills – self-awareness and self-mastery
• Interpersonal Skills – understanding others and dealing with events.

Self- awareness is the basis for developing one’s emotional intelligence. If you look at emotions as being a state of mind, and realize that you are always experiencing some state of mind, you are always emoting. Yet, you are as aware of that as a fish is cognizant of water. Usually it doesn’t hit the radar screen until there is turbulence, but by then conditioning has taken over and you are playing out your programming, unable to stop it. Common expressions: “push my buttons”, “swept away by my emotions”.

When the emotions are intense, you are somewhat aware of this process, yet at a subtle level, emotions are dictating the state of mind. And these subtle states pave the way for more powerful emotions. So what can you do? It’s not practical to stop emotions, they are the “juice” of life. Emotions, used effectively, can instill passion for your work and personal life.

Self-mastery is using your emotions, instead of your emotions using you! This is using emotions intelligently. Self-awareness is at the core of self-mastery. The objective for becoming more self-aware is to be able to make choices at a deeper level of being. At this point, most of the time you are not aware of the ability to make a choice, and are on default mode, allowing habits and conditioning to dictate thinking, feeling and doing. In the ancient wisdom traditions, this common everyday state of mind is referred to as being asleep.

To “wake up” and develop awareness and mastery, you step outside our emotional field, then over-ride conditioning. How do you wake up from this conditioned, mechanistic life? The first step is to become an observer, or witness, to our daily moment-to-moment experiences.

One technique to step out of the emotional field is through disassociation. It is not separating ourselves from the experience, but a matter of choosing a different perceptual position. For example, when remembering a recent dream, is it experienced as if it were a movie, in front of you (disassociated), or is it re-experienced with you being at the centre of the action and with everything else happening around you (associated state).

Imagine in this moment, that you are watching yourself from about three or four feet away, while reading this. Now imagine you are observing yourself from above, from behind. Think of a recent conversation you had with someone. Is the position in your memory associated or disassociated? Move it to outside of both of you if it is not. Now imagine a possible future conversation you will be having with someone. Be totally associated, then shift your position so that you are observing both you and the other person. It is important to observe without making judgment, otherwise you will entrap yourself in your emotional web.

Over the next month, apply experiencing yourself in a disassociated state frequently. Since it is not part of your habit, find some way to remind yourself frequently throughout the day (post-it notes, adhesive dots, elastic on wrist, etc.) to shift your perceptual position. From a different position, you will notice different things than you had before.

This is a first step to developing awareness, and insight. In the next issue of The Contact Point Bulletin, the other aspect of Intra-personal skills, Self Mastery will be explored. You will discover simple techniques to over-ride your habitual conditioning, to become a more intentional individual.

Danniel Star is an inspiring keynote public speaker and seminar leader for individual and organizational transformation. His visionary material is rooted in his studies of psychology, mind/body interaction principles, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), as well as teaching and counseling during the last 20 years. His leading-edge workshop material centers on transforming individuals and organizations within the workplace through exploring the mental and emotional processes we use to access information, create beliefs, and initiate behavior. Based on these principles, Danniel teaches workshop participants how to increase their emotional intelligence to thrive on constant change and create greater success in their professional and personal lives. He can be reached at 416 937 8562 or dannielstar@home.com.